I melted my brain watching four 24-cable news networks at the same time all cycle

Behold, The Quad

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24-hour cable news. Four channels. On silent.

Day after day after day.

YouTubeTV technically calls this feature Multiview. But for me, it’s The Quad.

Fox News on the top right. To the left by CNN. Bottom right is MSNBC. Bringing us home on the bottom left is the BBC. Pure news-flavored entertainment pumped at barely-legal levels into my consciousness with no guard rails.

It started innocently enough. I put a television in my home office and thought if I had something I didn’t care about running 24/7 I would have some eye candy to rest on without pulling out my phone and falling into a social media hole. So what should I put on? Drone footage of Dubai? Old movies? A Tubi channel of American Gladiators?

Nope.

Hair spray. Chyrons. File footage. Greg Gutfeld smirks. Molly Jong-Fast hair dye. Little arrows that depict wind currents in BBC weather forecasts.

The Quad is love. The Quad is life.

Here are the highlights:

Biden Death Watch

By far the most fascinating Quad period of this cycle was Biden Death Watch. Stretching from the CNN debate to Biden dropping out of the race. Fox guests could barely suppress their glee. MSNBC was frantic. State television that didn’t know if the rebels won or the strong man dictator survived the revolt.

The BBC covered the Glastonbury Music Festival.

Full Quad

The rare moments are when all four networks are covering the same story, with bonus points on if they are showing the same footage. The grimmest example being the Trump Assassination in Butler.

Experienced Quad Bros can quickly find the feed that is ahead of the others. That day, Fox News had the fastest feed from Butler, Pennsylvania. CNN also ran it live. MSNBC had it running in a small box while guests talked over it. The BBC covered The Euros.

For whatever reason, I had the sound on. The gun shots sounded like a cap gun.

One by one, each network began running the same footage. Trump collapsing, arising with blood on his face. Even the BBC.

The commercials

Fox News has a lot of public service announcements and charity commercials. I have learned a lot about the good work Tunnels To Towers does for 9/11 survivors and servicemen and women. Ditto to the Shriners Hospital for Children. Advertising has never been the main revenue for cable channels, but the amount of PSAs and charity ads can’t be a good sign for the health of the most watched cable news channel.

MSNBC is built on HoneyLove bra money. These women have no back fat, no underwires and no lines. The wiggle around my screen every 15 minutes alerting me to their wares. MSNBC also has more ads for menopause drugs than the other cable networks combined.

The political commercials

The Quad gives you a superior sense of political ad buys. The ad featuring three liberal yentas gossiping at a deli and conspiring to vote for Trump? Heavy rotation on Fox and CNN.

But the first run of Kamala Harris ads after she became the nominee? MSNBC and CNN.

I’ve yet to notice a political ad so unhinged it regularly appeared on Fox and MSNBC without a CNN buy.

Producing

MSNBC goes very long with their panels. Seemingly hours can go by with the same talking heads prattling on.

CNN’s editorial coverage is more centrist than MSNBC. For example, if there is good news for a Democrat the entire segment will be about the good news. If there is good news for a Republican, half of the segment will be about the news and the rest of the segment will discuss if it’s really good news or if it’s racist. That is aside from Jim Acosta who does the most nakedly liberal show each day.

Also, at some point CNN began turning their evening coverage into a more nakedly violent roundtable where the guests are actually facing each other. It often gets more contentious and as I am writing this,

Ryan James Girdusky

just got ejected from the panel because he told Mehdi Hasan “I hope your beeper doesn’t go off.”

Fox lives in its own reality. Harris Faulkner, flanked by a phalanx of blondes takes you through the midday. You know it’s time to stop procrastinating when Neil Cavuto shows up. If you haven’t done anything of worth by the time Jesse Watters is flashing photoshop gags… you need to make some changes.

Weird MSNBC Shots

Claire McCaskill’s live shot looks like my mom just pulled me aside before Thanksgiving dinner to tell me I shouldn’t drink as much as I did last year.

The two-shot of Morning Joe looks like the first dinner with my new girlfriend’s parents at an Olive Garden.

I don’t know why I have so many personal emotions evoked by MSNBC’s shot selection.

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What have I learned? Cable News is a very worthwhile venture when a live event is breaking. There are plenty of professionals who make it an enjoyable experience. They would be better served to have less talking heads and more infotainment.

I almost always turn on the sound for Steve Kornacki or Harry Enten.

And Click is a show on the BBC that is probably about computers.